Some parents have not thought about their style of disciplining their children and tend to react differently as each behavior occurs. They may yell or spank, and overreact or ignore a behavior depending upon the moment, and they may react to each child in a different way depending on the offense. Often parents will tend to discipline the way they perceive they were disciplined by their parents.
When parents learn how to be proactive and consistently reinforce good behavior in their children, studies have found that it is possible to encourage good behavior by using positive reinforcement and even to reduce negative behavior.
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Three Discipline Styles
In behavioral studies, three approaches to eliciting a desired behavior can also be found in parents’ discipline styles: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, and punishment. Positive reinforcement entails providing an event (like a reward or praise) that increases the probability of the desired behavior being repeated.
With negative reinforcement, a desired behavior occurs through the elimination of an adverse event (e.g. child learns to wake up earlier for school every day because getting caught in traffic makes him late for school). Punishment, often confused with negative reinforcement, involves increasing an adverse event to decrease or stop negative behavior.
Child experts agree that, of the three discipline styles, positive reinforcement is the best way to draw out positive behavior, and encourage children to repat the good behavior.
Is Positive Reinforcement the same as Bribery?
Some parents mistakenly associate positive reinforcement with bribing or giving material rewards. In bribery, you promise something bigger and more valuable than the behavior you are expecting. You also tend to negotiate or beg, even increasing the value of the prize, just to make sure that the behavior you wish is manifested. Giving a child verbal encouragement or small tokens after they exhibit a certain desirable behavior does not qualify for bribery.
Other parents steer clear from positive reinforcers for fear that they might spoil their child. However, it is far from spoiling if the reward given is commensurate to the
positive behavior exhibited by the child. Material rewards need not be expensive things; small tokens like stickers or erasers are hardly decadent. Non-material reinforcers are highly recommended, like a hug, a wink, and a compliment for a job well done.
Use Positive Reinforcement Consistently
There is no specific age at which to start using positive reinforcement; children learn to relate reinforcers to their behavior after several similar experiences and patterns. Good deeds that were reinforced at an early age become part of the child’s personality.
As children grow, their needs will differ in the same way that our expectations of them will expand. So, the reinforcers may change, but the general principle remains. The success of positive reinforcement greatly depends not on the child, but on the adult using it as a disciplinary approach.
When used consistently, positive reinforcement can develop a child’s intrinsic motivation. It can provide children some understanding of expectations and behavior.
Using Positive Reinforcement Effectively
Here are key points to help parents effectively wield positive reinforcement:
Select and define the deed. Be clear on what is acceptable or non-acceptable behavior at home. Provide observable, measurable progress by specifying which behavior you want the child to repeat. Refrain from giving abstract directives. Instead of “Behave while eating” say “Sit on your chair, do not play with your utensils, and tidy up your eating area after eating the food.”
Choose your reinforcers. Reinforcers must be appropriate for – and as valuable as – the behavior. They should match the child’s age, abilities, and the effort required to earn them. Kids have individual preferences. A reinforcer that is not significant to your child will bear no value. For example, preschool children will like getting stickers and hugs, while teenagers may prefer getting an extended curfew.
Timing is everything. Consistency is the key. Make it routine for your children. It helps them internalize rules and expectations. Also, immediately reinforce good behavior. The shorter the delay between the behavior and reinforcer, the greater the chance of strengthening the behavior. When reinforcing a new skill, reinforce continuously. Once the behavior has been established in the child, then you can gradually delay and decrease reinforcements.
Be diverse. Varying reinforcers prevents satiation in a child. Use your imagination to come up with different reinforcers. Opt for assorted non-material reinforcers. You will be surprised that not all kids want material things as reinforcers. Hugs, pats on the back, and words have equal, if not more, significance to them.
Complement praise with encouragement. Pairing reinforcers with words of praise and encouragement works best to retain or repeat a good behavior. Praise usually denotes the person, and some judgment is made on him or her. Encouragement is taking notice of the behavior or action, instead of the person.
An example of praise is “You’re a good girl” while “I like the way you helped the lady carry her bag,” are words of encouragement. By using words of praise and encouragement, it puts recognition and meaning to one’s presence and work.
Too Much or Too Little Praise Becomes Ineffective
International studies have shown that praise definitely increases people’s inner interest in activities. Anything too much or too little is proven ineffective. Here are some keywords to remember when giving praise:
Immediate. Praise kids right after the good behavior occurs. This way, they know instantly which behavior is reinforced.
Specific. Say exactly which behavior, action, or words you liked. For example, “Thank you for putting your toys back in the bin,” or “I like the way you shared your toys with your friends.” If the action was partly wrong, focus only on the positive side.
Frequent. Be consistent in saying words of praise every time kids do something good. Do not let any good or improved deed pass unnoticed. This reminds kids, positively, that a particular behavior should be part of their way of life.
Sincere. Put emphasis on the feelings and values instead of judging kids as “good” or “bad”. For example, if you see your child politely asking for his or her turn in playing a video game, say, “I like the way you asked your brother if you could play after him. I think that was a polite thing to do.”
Varied. Use different praise statements. Repeating the same thing may lose its impact and value. Changing it is also one way to increase kids’ emotional vocabulary, which will help them express themselves as they grow.
Too much praise is ineffective because it comes too easy and often reduces the value of praise. Too little of it and lack of consistency do not give it much significance, as well.
Amazon has lots of books on the subject of discipline and positive reinforcement:
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